A Tale of Rose, First Love

Relationships are inherently fluid, and perhaps we need to adopt a more open perspective on them.

I recently started watching a popular Chinese drama called A Tale of Rose (玫瑰的故事). It's based on a novel, The Story of Rose, written by Yi Shu (Isabel Nee), a well-known Hong Kong author from the 70s and 80s. I'm not usually a fan of romantic dramas because they tend to be overly fantastical and unrealistic, often leading women to form unrealistic expectations about real-life relationships.

However, after watching just a couple of episodes and some clips on YouTube, I couldn't stop myself from binge watch, as I found myself relating to many of Rose's experiences. I enjoyed seeing her transformation and growth throughout her relationships, as well as her changing needs and definitions of love at different stages of her life.

This made me realize that relationships are inherently fluid. Perhaps relationships should be examined in stages—as society rapidly evolves, is the traditional relationship model of marriage still relevant in today's world? This show encourages me to reflect on the concept of eternal love: do we truly need a lifelong bond? In the ever-changing phases of life, can we genuinely expect someone to stay with us forever?

A Tale of Rose revolves around Rose and her four relationships in her 20s, 30s, and 40s.

Rose's first love was in her 20s.

She dated a seemingly perfect guy named Guo Dong, who had everything she was looking for: good looks, intelligence, romance, a good education, a wealthy family, and ambition. But Guo Dong turned out to be too ambitious, and when he decided to move to France for better opportunities without discussing it with Rose, their relationship started to suffer. They tried to make it work through a painful long-distance relationship for over two years, but Rose felt frustrated by Guo Dong's tendency to prioritize his career and make decisions without considering her thoughts and feelings.

On Chinese social media, viewers label Guo Dong as self-centered and disrespectful towards Rose. But is he truly a bad person? From my perspective, being self-centered isn't necessarily wrong. In fact, I believe everyone should prioritize our financial independence and personal happiness without sacrificing them for others. Guo Dong simply pursued what he believed was best for himself at the time.

Rose later on acknowledged that both she and Guo Dong were selfish. While others blamed Guo Dong for prioritizing his career, Rose acknowledges they both had different needs: she craved emotional connection, while he sought career success. They both prioritized their own needs first. The surface-level issue appeared to be timing, but perhaps the underlying differences in their personalities and priorities were the true cause of their breakup. Rose desired a relationship above all else, whereas Guo Dong sought to prove himself professionally.

I found this story relatable to my first love.

I met my first boyfriend during my second year of college in Toronto, where I was going through an identity crisis, struggling to fit into a new culture, improve my English, and overcome loneliness. We shared similar confusions, experiences, and struggles in life, and eventually got into a relationship that lasted 2 years, with 1.5 years of long-distance between Canada and China. Throughout our time together, he’s my primary source of motivation to study and work hard. My ultimate goal was to move back to China to be closer to him, and I undoubtedly prioritized our relationship over my career at the time.

In my fourth year of college, I received a master's offer from Hong Kong, which meant we could finally be closer, at least in the same time zone. But we didn’t make it in the end: he wanted me to move to his hometown Hangzhou, and start a family soon. However, since moving to Hong Kong, my worldview had broadened. I gradually enjoyed the fast pace of the city, worked with the government and wealthy families on social projects, and initiated my social enterprise proposals. I grew every day and saw much potential in myself. At this point in my life, I was no longer the girl I used to be but someone who prioritized her exploration in life and career and was desperate to discover who she wanted to be and who she could become. Meanwhile, my boyfriend wanted to settle down and have a family. This structural problem couldn't be solved and ultimately led to our breakup.

My friend later on questioned if it was simply a matter of bad timing. On the surface, it appeared that way, as I was prioritizing my career and self-discovery in my early 20s, while he sought stability and family life. However, the underlying difference was our personalities: he was conservative, preferring the comfort of his hometown and a job arranged by his parents, while I am adventurous, and have become more so with my growth.

The heartbreak of our breakup left me unable to commit to another relationship for 4 years. I often pondered how my life would have unfolded if I had chosen Hangzhou and him. I had lost someone I truly loved and might never experience such love again. I frequently asked myself, "Was it worth it?"

Looking back, I believe it was worth it. While my life may not be as stable at the moment, and it's possible that I'll choose a similar path in my 30s, the experiences I've had have shaped who I am today. At the very least, I can reflect on my journey and share my experiences and thoughts here on Substack with all of you :)